Life’s a little better with these people close

Those who aren’t afraid to show they care are the ones who matter the most. Bebe was always one of them.
For the past year I’ve been trying to remember the first time I met her but I just can’t be sure. It was a very drunk time period. But there is a part of me that thinks it was on Gunnar’s birthday.
I remember that night she hooked up with Salem. I was still friends with him back then but I remember it still made me mad. Even though I only had a very short conversation about makeup with her, I still knew she was too good for him.
I may have liked him a long time ago but even then I knew he was a piece of shit.
I think after that night I didn’t see her for a while. Maybe even a month or two. The next conversation with her I remember was also about makeup but it lasted longer and we realized we shared love for many similar products.
I think sometime after that she started going out with us. I’m not sure what happened then, we had many short conversations that weren’t about anything significant but somehow one thing led to another and, after a very short period of time in which I got to know not only her but also many other people that became part of our group, she invited me to a party at her place.
That was a very awkward experience, there were so many people I had never seen before, and even though they all seemed nice, I wasn’t nor confident nor drunk enough to go talk to them. I just stayed close to those few people I already knew.
That night, Bebe did something that changed my life. In one of the most awkward moments of my life she asked me how I was doing. She was very high, and pretty tired, and she was losing her mind because her neighbours had threatened to call the police on us because we were too loud, but she still took some time to spend with me because she knew I wasn’t feeling my best.
Even then she was the only person able to recognize those moments, despite the fact I was hiding them perfectly from everyone else.
To some people it may be weird that small thing changed my life but that gesture was one of the first things that showed me I could be loved.
I still don’t really know the reason for all the love my friends give me but I have learned to accept it because the reason has to exist.
Every now and then she still asks me if I’m okay, and every time just like the first time, I say I’m fine, and I let her estimate if I’m telling the truth.
She’s asked me that quite a few times in the past month and even though I was completely sure I wasn’t lying, I saw she didn’t believe what I had said.
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a chance some people know us better than we know ourselves. And if there is, I wonder what they could teach me. I wonder if then I would maybe truly be okay, the way I think I am most of the time.
Now, over a year after she first asked me that question, I can say I truly got to know Bebe. I can say the things that happened to her made her one of the strongest and bravest women I have ever met, and I often find myself wondering “What would Bebe do?” when I get stuck.
But her story, the one that made her as amazing as she is today, is one that’s a bit too long and way too hard to tell so I think I’ll just leave that for simpler times when I know what to do with the words that were given to me.


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